Return to Me series
by Callea
Summary: Daniel observes Sam after ascension. (series)
1. Return and Realizations

Return and Realizations 

Title: Return and Realizations   
Author: Callea   
Email: callea_veda@poetic.com   
Category: Sam/Daniel Romance   
Spoilers: The First Commandment, Rite of Passage, Crystal Skull, Cold Lazarus, Meridian, Ascension (let me know if I missed any)   
Season/Sequel info: Takes place sometime after Meridian, probably sometime between Abyss and Prometheus.   
Rating: R   
Content Warnings: mild sexual references   
Summary: Daniel comes back to observe Sam, post ascension.   
Feedback: Feedback is welcome and very much appreciated at callea_veda@poetic.com 

* * *

Return and Realizations   
"Sam...", he whispered softly. 

Daniel Jackson leaned against the corner of the desk in Samantha Carter's office at the SGC. A few inches away, Sam was sleeping peacefully. Two hours ago, she had been attempting to figure out another one of those mysteries presented by the teams' travel through the Stargate, but she had been unable to keep her eyes open any longer. Now, she sat in her chair with her head resting across her arms. 

Daniel reached out toward her golden hair, and his hand passed through the soft locks. She looks so peaceful when she's sleeping. He thought. She let out a soft little moan, which brought a slight smile to his face. I wonder if she can tell that I'm here. 

Sam's eyes opened slowly and her head lifted from her desk. She felt as though a breeze had just blown through her hair. I must have dreamt it. There are no breezes in the base. She raised her arms and stretched them high above her head. "I need some coffee," she muttered to herself. 

That made Daniel's smile grow. He remembered the nights he had spent with her working on these same types of challenges and the large quantities of coffee they had consumed in doing so. I miss working all night with Sam, thinking through a problem with her, finishing each other's thoughts and sentences. He thought back to a previous mission, when they were trying to save Cassie from a retrovirus. Inside Nirti's lab, Sam had started saying, "If this is where the children ended up..." As usual, he had immediately known what she was thinking and agreed, "You're right about that." In confusion, Jack could only say, "She didn't finish her sentence." 

Daniel laughed out loud. That's one thing that Jack would never understand. I'm not even sure that I understand it. Sometimes it was like they were sharing one mind, like they were separate parts of the same person. Speaking of Jack not understanding... He couldn't count the number of times when he had been concerned with Sam's welfare and had asked Jack, "How's Sam?" Almost every time, military-to-the-core Colonel O'Neill managed to dodge the question. Then he'd have to repeat himself with a more pressing, "How's Sam?" before he got a real answer. Jack just didn't understand how to deal with emotion and how to fully use his heart. 

Sam looked at the clock. It was 0500 hours. Another late night, she thought. Jonas Quinn had been helping her, but around 2200 hours, she had grown impatient with him and asked him to leave. The guy is well intentioned, but he can be a little annoying. He just doesn't have the insight that Daniel did. And his name is Jonas of all things...She thought sarcastically, thinking about her ex-fiance, Jonas Hanson. Sam tried to be patient and sympathetic with Jonas, but he just tried too hard to fit in, to fill Daniel's shoes. Sorry Jonas, but those shoes are too big for you, for anyone. 

I wish Daniel were here now. I wish he hadn't left, but it was his choice to go. Why did he have to leave? We need him. We all miss him. 

She remembered those geeky glasses he wore. I don't know how someone could wear those and still manage to look that sexy. Whoa...! Sexy! Sam, what are you thinking? If Daniel knew you were thinking that he'd... well... he'd... What would he do? A small smile crept over her lips as she thought of how embarrassed he would be if she were to tell him just how attractive he looked in those Air Force fatigues. He would be speechless, and he'd get that adorable little embarrassed look on his face. The one that makes you just want to gaze into his eyes and draw him into a kiss to see just how embarrassed you could make him. A mischievous smile reached Sam's lips just before she realized what she had been going through her head. Where did that come from? Okay Sam, you need to stop thinking like this. What's gotten into you today? 

I wonder what she's thinking, he pondered. Maybe she's thinking about me, he thought happily, and he contemplated the thought for a second before he said aloud, "Nah, she's probably thinking about Jack." With a smile like that, it's obvious what's going through her head. It's no secret that Jack has a thing for her. And why would she want me when she could have a guy like Jack. He's a hero, a strong, commanding man, he thought with a tinge of sarcasm and resentment. Despite the fact that Jack was his friend, he couldn't help but feel a little jealous. He's every woman's dream... especially Sam's. It's beyond obvious to everyone. 

Sam pushed her chair back and stood up. She walked over to her instruments and began examining the strange pyramidal object in front of her. It was merely a simple pyramid with symbols etched on the outside. The symbols were from no culture that they knew of, and no one had been able to decipher what any of them meant. She had a feeling that it had some important function, but she didn't know why. It held no signs of actually having any functionality other than that of a paperweight. 

As she looked through the magnifier, she remembered the time she and Daniel had been studying the blue crystals that had duplicated Colonel O'Neill. When she and Daniel had realized the crystals had been broken by a Goa'uld staff blast, they had raced to Teal'c's quarters to get his weapon, so eager to prove themselves right. She loved that about him: the way he got just as excited about new discoveries as she did. He's the only one that I could ever share my enthusiasm with. Hell... he's the only one that I could ever share ANYTHING with, especially anything emotional. 

Sam had long ago discovered that constantly being around men especially military men, left an emotional void. At first, the void was comforting to her. It made her feel at home. After all, that's what she was used to. Her father was just as emotionally unavailable as Colonel O'Neill, Jonas Hanson, and most other military men. Jonas had been the turning point though. She had been engaged to him, and he was incredibly controlling. After she had broken off the engagement, he became insane and power-hungry. He thought he was a god and tried to convince a whole planet full of people of it as well. It was after that that she realized those kinds of men were just holding her back. Daniel had also played a major part in her realization. He was the sensitive, caring man who was always there to fill the void. 

She thought about how rare it was to find someone who shared her passion for knowledge, someone who she could talk to so easily, someone who genuinely cared about her, especially someone so incredibly adorable. She laughed as she remembered the time Daniel was in Machello's body. "At least I know you don't like me just for my looks," he had joked. How right he was. Of course, it didn't hurt that he has that great chest... and arms... and that adorable face... and those crystal blue eyes... She stood looking at the object in front of her, but not really seeing it. She was too busy fantasizing about everything she would love to do to that body. Finally, she realized what she was doing and pulled herself out of her thoughts. 

She became embarrassed by what she had just imagined. She felt as though she had been violating Daniel. Why do I keep thinking about him? Geez Sam, this is definitely not the best way to honor his memory. She mentally scolded herself and tried to think of an excuse for her behavior. I'm tired, that's all. It's been a long day, and I do miss him. Because I'm so tired, I'm just turning my feelings into something more than they really are. The excuse was lame, and it wouldn't have been believable to anyone if she had voiced it aloud, but it was enough to settle the matter in her mind. 

I just need to focus. Maybe I should just go home and get some sleep in a comfortable bed. She looked again at the clock: 0520 hours. There's no point. We have a briefing at 0700 anyway. Besides, I couldn't have this much fun at home. 

She looked back at the device. "Okay," she said to herself. "There are no buttons, no switches, nothing... Maybe it's RF controlled." 

Daniel chuckled and shook his head. Some things never change... 

Without knowing what to radio message or frequency to try, Sam set her equipment to transmit random numbers systematically through the entire radio frequency spectrum, begining with ELF at 30 Hertz through EHF at 300 Gigahertz. She knew the process was almost pointless, but at the moment, she just wanted to do SOMETHING. As she expected, nothing happened.

"Damn. What could it be?" she said in frustration. 

"Well, it was a good try, Sam. Maybe...," Daniel began to say but stopped when he realized that she couldn't hear him. 

Sam looked back at the device, considering other possibilities. She wished now even more that Daniel were with her. "Daniel would be able to help...," she muttered. He had been invaluable to her in the past, and he could translate the symbols to help her determine what kind of an activation code, if any, the device was looking for. 

Did she just say what I think she said? Daniel's eyes sparkled with joy at the thought that somebody, especially Sam needed him. 

Sam remembered another time when she was without Daniel's help. It was when the crystal skull had made him invisible. Everyone thought that they had lost him. Sam was desperate to get him back, and her distress was worsened by the fact that Daniel was the most qualified person to figure out how to bring himself back. He found his way back to us that time. He ended up figuring out what the rest of us couldn't. 

She smiled as she remembered how much she admired him, then her face become saddened as she thought. This time, he may never be back, but at least he isn't dead. I don't know how I could have gone on if he was. This way, I still have the hope that someday I'll see him again. And I know that somewhere, he's accomplishing things that I could never imagine. 

But all I want is for him to look at me again with those beautiful blue eyes. Why hasn't he come back to see me? Maybe it's because I'm not very important to him. After all, he DECIDED to leave. He didn't even think about how I would feel when he was gone.

Tears began to form in Sam's eyes. "Would he have left if I was Sha're?" No, he would have fought his way back to her, the same way he fought to get her back. 

Daniel was shocked at what he'd heard. What does she mean? Why is she comparing herself to Sha're? She was my wife. Sam is my...my... He had a sudden thought, one that made his heart jump but also one that was too shocking to be true. "She couldn't possibly... have... romantic feelings for me? Could she?" 

He thought about some of the last words that she had said to him when he was on his deathbed. They were burned into his memory. "You have an effect on people, Daniel. The way you look at things... it changed me too. I see what really matters. I don't know why we wait to tell people how we really feel. I guess I hoped that you always knew." 

At the time, those words sounded to him to be just words of friendship. But as he thought about it, he wondered, Could they have meant something more? How did she really feel? 

He looked at Sam and saw the tears beginning to roll down her cheeks. Oh Sam, please don't cry... He knew that he should leave now. If he stayed any longer, he might not ever be able to make himself to go. But I can't just leave her like this. It hurt him to see her in such obvious pain. He began to choke up, "Please don't cry. Not because of me." His heart and his mind were battling. I have to go. I can't interfere with her life. This isn't part of my journey, his mind told him. 

He started to go, then he heard Sam whisper, almost begging, "Daniel, please come back." 

That was it. His heart won. 

He appeared before the desk where Sam was once again sitting with her head down. Tears were still falling down her cheeks. "Sam," he whispered. "It breaks my heart to see you cry." 

She looked up, startled to see him standing in front of her. She wiped the tears from her face. The world around her was almost surreal, but there was a very distinct and very familiar form in front of her. "Daniel? Am I dreaming?" 

He smiled slyly and teased her, "Maybe. Do you dream about me often?" 

She laughed. Her tears began to subside, and she smiled back, "I was just thinking about you." 

"Only, good things I hope." 

She smiled sweetly. "I was thinking about all the good times we had. About how we all miss you." There was a pause for a few seconds, and Sam's voice took on a saddened tone once again, "Things just aren't the same since you left. I mean, Jonas is here now, but it's just not the same. You, Teal'c, the Colonel, and I ... we were together for so long. We were like a family." She began crying again. "It's just so hard to believe that you're not here anymore." 

Daniel walked around the desk and put his arms around her shoulders. "I know. I'm sorry. I never meant to hurt any of you." 

"I know, Daniel." She turned her chair and looked up at him. "You left because you wanted to make a difference. You didn't know..." Sam stopped herself before the words "that I love you" escaped her mouth. She almost shocked herself as those words formed in her mind. She could only imagine how Daniel would react to them. She quickly changed to safer words, "You had no reason to stay." 

He knelt down in front of her and gently wiped a tear from her cheek. 

"I guess I didn't realize just how much you guys would miss me. I assumed that you'd all be all right though. You guys have each other, after all. And, hey," he smiled, "Jonas is doing an all right job." 

She shook her head slowly. "If only you knew...," she mumbled as she stared down at her hands resting in her lap. 

"What?" He could tell there was something she wasn't telling him.

"Never mind." She looked up at his face. He smiled, and she smiled back. "You seem... different somehow," she observed. 

"I'm not wrapped in bandages," he joked, alluding to the last time she had seen him, when he had been dieing from radiation poisoning. 

She laughed sadly, "That's not funny, Daniel." 

"I'm sorry..." 

"Something's changed. You seem so... knowing..." 

"Must be all these super powers. I don't scare you, do I?" He grinned evilly and raised his eyebrows. 

She pretended to be embarrassed as she said, "Maybe a little." 

He smiled devilishly and winked, "I promise to be gentle." 

Sam laughed out loud. "It's good to see you again," she said as threw her arms around his neck and hugged him. She felt his arms move around her back. It felt wonderful to have him here again, to feel his strong arms around her again. She hadn't realized how much she had missed simply hugging him. 

"What are you doing here?" Sam questioned as she drew away from him. 

Daniel sighed as he stood up and leaned against the corner of her desk. Unable to meet Sam's eyes, he gazed at some unknown spot on the wall. "I wish..." He took a deep breath before continuing, "I wish I could tell you that I'm here on some big mission, that I'm going to save the universe or something. But I'm not... The real reason I'm here is, well... it's a little embarrassing." 

Sam grinned sheepishly, "Come on, Daniel. I'm your best friend. You can tell me anything." 

He turned to face her. He was stunned by her beauty, and he suddenly had the courage to do something he never before dreamt he would do. He took her hand in one of his and pulled her up out of her chair. With the other hand, he reached out, caressed her cheek, ran his fingers down her jaw, and lifted her chin slightly. 

His piercing blue eyes gazed directly into hers. It made her feel uneasy, excited, and unsure of herself. She felt like lightening was flooding her body. Her heart raced, and her breath caught in her throat. Being this close to him, looking directly into his eyes made her legs go week. It took an incredible effort for her to remain standing.. 

Daniel spoke to her in a soft, sincere tone, "I have all the power in the universe. I can make the ground quake. I can create lightening. I can do astounding things... But Sam, there's one thing I can't do..." He stopped, unsure of whether to continue. Tears began forming in his eyes as they looked away from hers. 

Sam was so captured by the passion that had been in his eyes and the emotion in his voice that she could barely manage to whisper her plea, "Tell me, Daniel." 

That was all he needed to finish his thought. He took both her hands in his and gazed into her eyes once again. "Sam, I can't stop missing you. You're in my every thought. Everything I do is for you. I'm sorry I left. I was afraid, afraid that you didn't feel the same way, that I would fail you like I've failed so many others. I just wanted to have the power to do everything that I was powerless to accomplish before. I'm sorry. I never meant to hurt you." Daniel raised his hand up to her cheek, moving it up through her hair. 

"Daniel it's not your..." 

Daniel cut her off by drawing her lips in close to his. She closed her eyes, and their lips met. It was like no kiss she had ever experienced. It was soft, caring, filled with emotion. Electricity flowed through her body. Her knees weakened, and she began to sway. His strong arms held her up, as he pulled back and looked at her, with his forehead against hers. 

"Sam, are you all right?" he whispered, sounding concerned. 

"Yes... perfectly," she whispered breathlessly. She looked into his eyes, the most incredible eyes she'd ever seen. They sparkled with mischief and with love. Tears from so many mixed emotions began to form as she thought of how she had longed to get lost in those eyes; how she had thought she had lost the opportunity forever, but here it was. 

His words echoed exactly what she had been thinking. "I've wanted to do that for a very long time." 

She ran her hand through his hair and drew him in for another kiss. This time was more passionate. Her tongue massaged his. His arms held her tightly against him. Her hands ran through his hair. He moved from her lips and began kissing down her neck. 

"I love you, Sam. I love you more than anyone or anything I've ever known," he whispered in her ear between kisses. 

Sam suddenly realized who she was with and what was happening. "Daniel wait..." she said as she brought her hands to his chest and pushed him lightly away. 

Oh no..., he thought, his heart sinking. She doesn't feel the same way. What was I thinking? He was afraid to look at her. He didn't want to see the look in her eyes as she rejected him. Painfully, he managed to meet her gaze. 

As he did, he saw the confused look on her face. "How...," she stammered, "...you're solid?" 

A wave of relief washed over him. "I didn't descend or anything. There are other ways," he smiled. That was a good enough explanation for her. She was just happy to have him there. 

Daniel's impulsively smiled widely as he saw a look of pure delight come over Sam's face. "Can you do that 'sharing thing,'" she asked coyly as her hands ran up and down his chest. She was referring to the joining that could allow them to share their innermost essences. She had done it once before with Orlin from Velona. It was an incredible experience, beyond words, beyond anything she had ever experienced, except kissing Daniel. 

He smiled warmly, "I think so... I've never tried. Are you sure you want to?" 

"Of course. I want to share everything with you." 

He cupped her face in his hands, kissed her lips softly once more then asked, "Ready?" 

He brought his hands to her shoulders and ran them down her arms until he held her hands. He lifted them and intertwined his fingers with hers. As he did so, he began to glow, becoming pure energy, gleaming, white tendrils of light. His light surrounded her as they merged, sharing their souls. 

She felt as though they belonged that way, as one. It was the way they were always meant to be, the way they had always been. She knew everything she would find in him. They had known each other too well for too long for there to be any surprises. Every hurt, every pain, every joy, and every hope was revealed. Even the darker, hidden sides that lurked beneath the surface came as no shock. The sense of being completely accepted washed over them.

Then, something began to creep up on Sam, something that hadn't happened when she shared with Orlin. She looked around and saw nothing but white light. She started to panic, but in an instant, he was there to soothe her. She could feel him enveloping her, telling her without words that everything would be all right. 

She could feel him kissing her again. The kisses were moving slowly down her body. She could feel something soft beneath her bare skin. The kisses moved back toward her lips. The light began fading, and his face came into focus, hovering above hers. She could hear the words "I love you," Reverberating through her mind. She couldn't tell if they were coming from her or from him or both. 

She began to whisper, "Wha..." 

He pressed his fingers to her lips. "Shhhh." He leaned forward and kissed her again. She felt his weight pressing down on her. She could feel him throughout her entire body. It wasn't sex, not exactly. It was more fulfilling, more amazing, more perfect than any sexual experience. She felt the physical sensation of his bare skin against hers. She tilted her head back as he spilled his kisses down her neck. Every kiss felt like ice and and flames were combining on her skin. The kisses moved along her chest and down her stomach. He began moving back up her chest as he took hold of her hands and brought them together above her head. His face was again above hers, and he brought himself down, merging into her. It was like a shockwave was sent through her body. "Daniel," she moaned, and the sound reverberated through her mind. 

When she came back to her senses, she was standing in her lab again. He had his arms around her, stroking her hair, and her face rested against his chest. 

They both had tears in their eyes as she looked up at him. There was no need for words; they both knew the same thing: he couldn't stay and she couldn't go with him. His journey must continue the way it was intended, and she must continue on her journey in this existence. 

Nothing was spoken as he lifted her face and brought her lips to his. She closed her eyes, knowing this may be their final embrace. When she opened her eyes, he was no longer standing in front of her. 

"Come back soon," she whispered. 

* * *

-- Continue the series with 'Captive' -- 


	2. Captive

﻿

Title: Captive  
Author: Callea   
Email: callea_veda@poetic.com   
Category: Romance  
Spoilers: none  
Season/Sequel info: Sequel to Return and Realizations. (I recommend you read it first.) Takes place after The Changeling, before Full Circle.  
Rating: PG-13  
Content Warnings: mild violence, angst  
Summary: Sam is captured on a mission.   
Feedback: Feedback is welcome and very much appreciated at callea_veda@poetic.com 

* * *

SG1 ran down the corridor of the Goa'uld ship closely pursued by a group of Jaffa. As they rounded the corner, Jack ducked to return fire. Teal'c joined him, and Carter headed to the next intersection on the gold-walled corridor to ensure that it was free of enemy troupes. 

"It's clear!" she shouted.

O'Neill motioned toward Teal'c who obeyed the signal by standing and running in Carter's direction. O'Neill fired two more shots then glanced over his shoulder. His second in command had already rounded the corner and their Jaffa companion was nearly there. The Colonel continued firing until he knew that his companions had had enough time to set themselves up to provide cover fire. He then ran quickly backward to meet up with them.

As he came around the corner he saw Teal'c, ready to return enemy fire with his staff weapon. He looked around, and realized that Teal'c was the only person he saw. "Where the hell is Carter?" he questioned.

"She was not present when I came around the corner. Perhaps she has moved farther ahead," Teal'c responded as he fired shots toward the Jaffa at the opposite end of the corridor.

"Damn it! Let's go," he shouted as he moved away from the enemy Jaffa.

Teal'c and O'Neill rushed toward the exit of the structure. As they moved ahead, they saw more Jaffa guarding the doorway, but Major Carter was not in sight. 

"O'Neill, there are far too many guards behind us to turn back. We should return through the Stargate for help."

The Colonel nodded as he returned fire to the pursing Jaffa. Teal'c eliminated the few guards at the door, and the two made their way to the Stargate.

******************

"Which shall I choose? Slow and painful, so I can watch the suffering on your face?" Osiris ran her fingertips across the row of blades lining the wall, admiring their sharpness and the way the light glinted off of them. " Or quick and easy, so I don't waste my exceedingly precious time on someone as worthless as you." 

She turned and walked dramatically toward Sam who was held tightly by the two Jaffa who, after Osiris had knocked her unconscious, had dragged her from the corridor through a hidden door. Osiris removed a large dagger from its sheath beneath her robe. She brought the blade to Sam's face and ran it lightly along the length of her captive's chin.

"You know, I've always been a fan of suffering." She smiled evilly as she pushed the blade farther into Sam's skin, leaving a small gash beneath her ear. Sam flinched and drew in a gasp of air as the pain hit her. Osiris drew the blade away quickly.

She laughed and tossed her head back. "Oh, but we can't have too much suffering. That does get to be time consuming, does it not?" She brought the knife back to Sam's neck, as she sneered, "Perhaps we should do it the old fashioned way." She brought her other hand toward Sam's face. A ribbon device adorned her palm, and it began to glow as it reached Sam's forehead.

Sam's face distorted into a painful grimace and a short scream escaped her lips. A smile slowly grew on the Goa'uld's face. When just enough time had passed, Osiris turned off her instrument of torture. Sam was not yet dead, but she could barely move, and her thoughts were clouded.

"If only I needed some sort of information from you, our little interaction could last so much longer. I could cause you great amounts of pain, and you could remain silent, not revealing anything to me. We could go on and on, until you were finally unable to stand it any more." She smiled with great pleasure. "Then you would tell me everything you knew." She sighed, "Unfortunately, you and your people are of little significance to me." She brought her face in close to Sam's. "Why can't you be more entertaining?"

She motioned toward the Jaffa holding Sam, and they tightened their grip on her in order to force her to kneel before Osiris. 

"No," whispered Sam with tears in her eyes.

"No? No, what?"

"Please don't," Sam cried. 

"Aww, you poor girl," Osiris condescended, "Is it that you don't like the physical pain or the pain of knowing how little you matter?"

"I'm going to be okay," Sam cried, obviously still in pain. "I can't let you do this."

A look of shock enveloped Osiris' face, "You can't let me do this? I assure you. You have little say in the matter. And you will be far from okay." She laughed as she made a motion toward one of the Jaffa, who in response kicked Sam in the back. Sam's face distorted into a pained grimace and her eyes became wet with tears.

"No!" Sam shouted as two of the Jaffa then grabbed Sam's hands and lifted her off the floor, dragging her into the center of the room. They began to fasten metal shackles that hung from the ceiling to her wrists.

Again, Sam spoke. He words were forceful and distinct. She looked straight ahead, as though staring into the eyes of someone who wasn't there. "I love you. Don't do this just for me. Everything will be fine. I promise you."

Osiris' eyes opened wide with surprise. Then she realized what was happening. "So, our little captive has become delusional." She laughed as she walked over to face her prisoner, "Tell me, who is it that you're speaking to?" Sam appeared not to notice her question. Osiris' voice dripped with sarcasm, "Who is it that you're so deeply in love with that he finds his way into your little hallucination and allows you to escape this horrible reality that I have created for you?"

Sam finally took notice that the woman in front of her was speaking. She said nothing in response. 

"Oh well, it doesn't matter. You'll soon be dead anyway," Osiris smiled. With a flourish of her robe, she turned quickly and exited the room.

*************************  
After making her way through the massive pyramidal structure, Osiris entered the chamber of Anubis and bowed before him. "My Lord, I have begun interrogation of the prisoner. I believe that it will not be much longer before I have obtained all of the secrets of the Tau'ri."

"Forget the interrogation. It is useless. They are weak and defenseless against us."

"My Lord, perhaps…"

"Silence! I have made my decision. Now kill her."

"Yes, Lord Anubis," Osiris bowed again as she exited the chamber.

*************************

Osiris strode through the doors to Sam's cell with one intention. "And now," she gloated, "you will die." 

Sam nodded slowly, and every one of her captors collapsed.  


* * *

-- Continue the series with 'No Escape' -- 


	3. No Escape

Title: No Escape  
Author: Callea   
Email: callea_veda@poetic.com   
Category: Romance  
Spoilers: Singularity, Need, Metamorphosis  
Season/Sequel info: Alternate point of view to Captive, sequel to Return and Realizations. (I recommend you read both of these first.) Takes place after The Changeling, before Full Circle.   
Rating: PG-13  
Content Warnings: mild violence, angst  
Summary: Sam is captured and faced with death.   
Feedback: Feedback is welcome and very much appreciated at callea_veda@poetic.com 

* * *

"Which shall I choose? Slow and painful, so I can watch the suffering on your face?" Osiris taunted. " Or quick and easy, so I don't waste my exceedingly precious time on someone as worthless as you?" 

In the corner stood a man, hidden by the shadows. He was obviously out of place in the Egyptian-style chamber. Nevertheless, he remained unnoticed as he watched the scene.

Don't you DARE hurt her, he nearly said aloud as the Goa'uld turned toward Sam Carter and removed a large dagger from the sheath beneath her robe. She brought the blade to Sam's face and ran it lightly along the length of her captive's chin.

He had seen her in pain before, and each time he had been there, watching, wanting to rescue her but feeling helpless to do so. This time is different, he thought. I have to help her this time. No one else can do this for her. The man took a step forward as though to attack the woman with the dagger.

But he relaxed and stepped back as quickly as he had come forth. No, she can take care of herself. He reassured himself. There's too much to risk. This situation really isn't that bad. Nothing has happened. Nothing is going to happen. She'll be fine. She can take care of herself, he repeated in his head, trying to convince himself that this woman who was obviously about to be tortured did not need his help.

Despite his effort, thoughts of all the times he had helplessly watched her suffer began to creep into his mind. Memories of her crying over a young girl came to the surface. At that moment, all he had wanted to do was pull her close and tell her everything would be okay, that he would make it that way. But he hadn't, partly because knew, at least he had thought, that she didn't love him the way he did her, but mostly because he knew he shouldn't have been having those feelings. So he had kept his distance, stayed away, remained useless to her.

He remembered when he had coldly asked her, "You've never really known what love is, have you?" He had seen the hurt in her eyes. He couldn't remember everything he'd done under the influence of the sarcophagus, but he remembered the hurt in her eyes. When he'd apologized to her, she assured him that it wasn't his fault, but he still felt it was.

The one time he knew he had the power to save her, he'd merely stood by as though he were helpless again, trapped by the rules. He watched as Nirrti experimented on her. He desperately wanted to save her, but he had chosen instead to follow the rules. He realized now that if Sam had died, he would have regretted that decision for the rest of what promised to be his very long life. Even now that he knew the outcome of those events, there were times he regretted his decision.

"You know, I've always been a fan of suffering." Osiris smiled evilly as she pushed the blade farther into Sam's skin, leaving a small gash beneath her ear. Sam flinched and drew in a gasp of air as the pain hit her. The man in the corner gritted his teeth and clamped his eyes shut at the sight, trying to restrain himself from taking action. He squeezed his hands into tight fists as he thought of how easily he could save her, but how helpless he was to do it. He battled inside himself, half of him wanting to sweep in an save the woman he loved like some valiant knight, the other half wanting to run away and stick strictly to the rules.

Osiris laughed and tossed her head back. The sound brought Daniel Jackson out of his thoughts. He eyes snapped open and focused once again on the two women in front of him. Sam's tormentor babbled on, but Daniel heard none of it. The sudden realization that in those moments when he had closed his eyes, Sam could have died sent chills through him.

He watched Osiris raise the ribbon device, and he began moving forward to rip it from her hands. The moment before he acted, he felt a presence, reminding him, or more accurately, warning him not to. Oma... He signed as he gritted his teeth, resigning himself not to interfere. I have to go... before I do something stupid, he convinced himself. He hoped this would not prove to be the decision that caused him to lose Sam forever. Tears filled his eyes as he whispered, "Please forgive me, Sam." 

As he began to leave he heard a short scream escape Sam's lips. If he still possessed bones, the scream would have pierced straight to the center of them. This was the closest to physical pain he had felt since his ascension. To end the pain, he knew he either had to leave now and never think of Sam again or he had to save her. The former was almost asking the impossible.

To his relief, he heard the ribbon device deactivate. He quickly checked that Sam was still alive. She was, but she could barely move.

"Sam," he whispered. She didn't respond. "Sam," he said more forcefully. 

She opened her eyes and saw him standing before her. Her mouth moved as though to shape the word, "Daniel."

The Goa'uld paid no attention to her captive as she rambled on as though she received pleasure from the sound of her own voice.

"Sam, you don't have to say anything. Just listen to me. I'm going to get you out of here," he assured her. He looked away as though he were guilty of something. No longer able to meet her eyes, he said, "I'm so sorry I let you get into this. I'm sorry I didn't help you sooner." He looked back into her eyes and said almost to himself, "If I can't help you, what's the point in having the power to help anyone?"

The Jaffa guards holding Sam pushed her down to kneel before Osiris. At that, Daniel looked back at Sam and stated matter-of-factly, "But that doesn't matter now, because I'm getting you out of here."

It seemed that Sam had now regained her grip on her thoughts. "No," whispered Sam with tears in her eyes.

"Sam...," he begged.

"Please don't," she cried. 

"How can you say that, Sam? Look at this. She could kill you." 

"I'm going to be okay," Sam cried, obviously still in pain. "I can't let you do this."

"This isn't about me!" he nearly shouted, feeling completely helpless once again. "I've failed you so many times. I won't fail you again."

Suddenly one of the Jaffa kicked Sam in the back. Daniel could tell that she was making an extreme effort not to let her pain show, but he also knew that that metal boot in the back must have hurt. He saw the tears in her eyes, but he wasn't sure if they were from the physical pain or from something else.

"Look at what she's doing to you. I have to stop this!"

"No!" Sam shouted as two of the Jaffa then grabbed Sam's hands and lifted her off the floor, dragging her into the center of the room. They began to fasten metal shackles that hung from the ceiling to her wrists.

Sam looked into Daniel's eyes. She was forceful and distinct and she pleaded with him, "I love you. Don't do this just for me. Everything will be fine. I promise you."

"You can't make that promise, Sam. I wish you could, but..." His voice trailed off as he tried to think of ways in which Sam would be all right without his help.

He saw Sam's eyes move toward Osiris as though she had just realized the woman was speaking. "Who is it that you're so deeply in love with that he finds his way into your little hallucination and allows you to escape this horrible reality that I have created for you?" the captor was saying. Sam said nothing in response. 

"Oh well, it doesn't matter. You'll soon be dead anyway," Osiris smiled. With a flourish of her robe, she turned quickly and exited the room.

As soon as the doors had closed, Sam spoke up, "Daniel, I've spent the time since you've left hoping that you would come back to me... If you do this, what's going to happen to you?" 

To Daniel, Sam seemed to have become calm, almost comfortable under the circumstances. Her only emotions he could detect were sadness, hurt, and fear for his life, not her own. He wanted to tell her that everything would be all right, but that would mean lying to her. He couldn't do that, even if he felt it was for her own good, "I... Maybe I'll be human again... I honestly don't know."

"Or maybe you'll be executed. Daniel, I'm not going take the chance that you may never come back. While you've been gone, at least I've had hope." A tear ran down her cheek as she spoke. "There's some small possibility that you may decide you're through with ascension. Then you'll come back to me. I won't let you take that away."

"Sam, forgive me for stating the obvious, but if you're dead, I can't come back to you. There's nothing you can do to stop me, Sam. I'm sorry. I'm getting you out." He stated matter-of-factly.

She looked directly into his eyes and spoke softly, yet forcefully, "Daniel, just give me more time. Something will happen. Just give them some time and I'm sure the Colonel, Teal'c, and Jonas will come up with something."

He paused to think then sighed heavily and said in a defeated tone, "Okay. You're right. I'll give it some more time."

*************************  
Having explained to Sam his reason for departing, Daniel materialized next to Anubis as Osiris entered the chamber and bowed before him. "My Lord, I have begun interrogation of the prisoner. I believe that it will not be much longer before I have obtained all of the secrets of the Tau'ri."

"Forget the interrogation. It is useless. They are weak and defenseless against us." Anubis boomed.

"My Lord, perhaps..."

"Silence! I have made my decision. Now kill her."

"Yes, Lord Anubis," Osiris bowed again as she exited the chamber.

*************************  
Instantaneously, Daniel was right by Sam's side. His voiced was hurried and panicked as he spoke, "Sam, listen to me. I know you wanted me to wait, but there's no more time. We have to get you out of here and we have to do it NOW."

"Daniel, slow down. What's happening?" she questioned.

He took a long, deep breath, then moved until he was only inches from her face. "We can't wait Sam. She's on her way to kill you, and she won't be playing around this time. You only have a few minutes, then she IS going to kill you. I'm not going to let that happen, Sam."

"Okay."

"Thank you," he said. Relief washed over him. She was finally willing to let him help her. Suddenly the realization of the situation sank in: helping the woman he loved might mean the end of his life. At the very least it would mean severe punishment. That doesn't matter. Don't even think about that, he thought as he prepared to rescue Sam.

"I'm going to ascend," Sam stated.

He had already considered the possibility. "You can't," he told her.

"What do you mean I can't?" she asked indignantly.

"I don't mean you can't, like you're not capable. But," he paused, contemplating his words, "you wouldn't be doing it for yourself. I know it's not something you want. You're not like me. I chose this path, but yours is on earth. You can't ascend by trying to escape death. You also can't ascend by trying to save me. You have to want it, and I know that in your heart you don't."

Sam opened her mouth to interrupt, but Daniel quickly raised his hand and continued, "Please let me help you. Just accept that this is one thing that you can't handle, and let me save your life. I know that I hurt you when I left, so let me make up for it now."

Sam closed her eyes and tears began to roll down her cheeks. "How is loosing you going to make up for you leaving?" she asked bitterly through her tears.

"Sam," he whispered as he stepped closer and looked into her eyes. Daniel hated to see her cry, and he wanted nothing more than to take away her pain, but he couldn't. Some day it would all fade away, and she would forget the pain of loosing him. All that really mattered was that she would still be alive. 

A second before the door opened, his voice became more alarmed, "Sam, she's back."

Osiris strode through the doors to Sam's cell with one intention. "And now," she gloated, "you will die." 

"Please forgive me," Daniel said and Sam nodded slowly. Her captors quickly fell to the ground unconscious and her hands were freed from their bindings.

Sam nodded slowly and the instant after he incapacitated Sam's captors, Daniel found himself floating in a space void of all light and sound. 


	4. Don't Leave Me Again

Title: Don't Leave Me Again  
  
Author: Callea   
  
Category: Sam/Daniel Romance   
  
Spoilers: Full Circle, Need  
  
Season/Sequel info: Takes place during season six's Full Circle. [Return to Me Series] (I recommend you read Return and Realizations, Captive, and No Escape first.)  
  
Rating: G  
  
Content Warnings: some Sam angst  
  
Summary: Sam's point of view during Full Circle.  
  
--------------------------------------------------  
  
Sam Carter sat across the briefing room table listening to Colonel O'Neill make a case for fighting the big, bad Goa'uld, Anubis. Like him, she also wanted to fight in order to defend the Abydonians. After all, those people were like family to Daniel. The least she could do for him was to save those who cared so much about him. She felt she owed him that much, but she couldn't logically see how it was possible. "Obviously we can't match forces with Anubis," O'Neill continued. "But apparently the Abydonians are willing to back us on this one."  
  
"Colonel, how'd you come by this intel," Hammond questioned, knowing well that no one on base had been in contact with Abydos.  
  
O'Neill hesitated a bit and let out a slight cough. "I didn't say?"  
  
"No, you didn't," Hammond answered flatly.  
  
The colonel stood silently, looking around as though trying to find an explanation. He coughed lightly once again before quickly and casually stating, "Daniel told me."  
  
Sam couldn't believe her ears. Her eyes grew wide as she looked at him. When she had last seen Daniel, he'd risked his life for hers, leaving her uncertain of his fate. She feared the worst, but this gave her new hope.  
  
"You saw Dr. Jackson," Jonas exclaimed.  
  
"Actually, it's not the first time," O'Neill added.  
  
Sam was still caught up in the news that the colonel had spoken to Daniel as she realized that simply because Jack had seen him didn't mean that he was alive and well. It was possible that this had been his last act. She was desperate to know. "Is he alright?"  
  
To her great disappointment, her question wasn't answered. Instead, Hammond immediately interjected with, "What else did he say?"  
  
She wanted to demand to know how Daniel was, but she was afraid of losing control in front of the general. So instead of asking again, she sat quietly, hoping she would soon get her answer.  
  
"Woah... oh, wait." O'Neill pulled out his chair and sat as he asked skeptically, "You guys don't think I'm... nuts or anything like that?"  
  
Teal'c quickly spoke up. "I too have recently seen DanielJackson."  
  
This caught Sam by surprise. She had seen Daniel twice but he never once mentioned visiting anyone else. She had just assumed that she was the only one.   
  
She turned toward O'Neill and opened her mouth to add that she had been visited also, but thought better of it. Teal'c had already validated the Colonel's claims. Adding her own experiences would only lead to questions later about what had occurred during the visit. Sam wasn't sure she was ready to answer those questions.  
  
*******************  
  
Jonas had no idea where to find the Eye of Ra, but the people of Abydos were under attack, and this was their only hope. Now O'Neill wanted results, but he had none. "I don't know what to tell you. I mean, if Dr. Jackson was here..."  
  
"Oh, he's here. Trust me, he's here." The colonel looked around the vast space. He could hear the bombings overhead and became irritated. "Son a bitch," he mumbled. "Hey," he shouted, "where are ya?"  
  
Sam hoped the colonel was right. Not only because she wanted to see Daniel alive, but because she couldn't bear to think of the horrible defeat everyone on the planet would suffer if he didn't.  
  
She thought O'Neill sounded almost angry as he continued to shout, "We're only doing this because of you!"  
  
Suddenly, a form dressed in tan robes appeared in front of her. At first, she thought she was seeing things, but then the figure spoke. "Jack," Daniel's voice called out. "It's here. I know it is."  
  
*Oh my God. He's alive.* Sam's breath disappeared and her eyes almost filled with tears as she stared at the man in front of her. *He's really alive.* Until this moment, she thought she might never see him again. Over these last few months, her worry had been tearing her apart. She'd lost people before, but not knowing whether she had truly lost Daniel made it hurt so much more. Every day she wondered whether she'd walk into her lab and see him standing there, gazing at her with his radiant smile. Now he was here with his back to her, looking as real as ever.   
  
"Daniel," was all she could say as she stepped toward him, wanting instinctively to reach out and touch him.   
  
He turned to face her and all she could think of was how much she wanted to wrap her arms around him. But she stopped dead in her tracks as he nodded at her, said, "Sam" then turned away quickly to give an equal greeting to Jonas.  
  
She stood speechless, staring at him. He could have stabbed her in the stomach and it would have been less painful. The three men in front of her exchanged dialog, but none of it registered on her brain. She hadn't expected Daniel to sweep her into his arms, but she expected more than this. She made an effort to look away from him and bit her lip to fight back her tears.  
  
*Maybe Daniel isn't worth all this,* she thought as her eyes found themselves gazing at him once again. Thinking about the emotional roller coaster ride that her feelings for him sent her on nearly brought her tears to the surface. When he ascended, she had been devastated, not knowing whether to hope for his return or move on. Then as if her wish were granted, he came back to her, but it was only to leave again. That time she was left with hope, but not for long. After his next return, he disappeared once again, leaving her more devastated and uncertain than ever. Seeing him again and being treated with such little regard was tearing her apart.   
  
Sam now feared that the person she loved most had decided he no longer loved her. She hated this feeling, and she hated that she had to keep fighting her own eyes as they were continually drawn back to him. She wanted to forget about him and forget the feelings they shared, but as she looked at Daniel, the thought of not loving him hurt more than all the pain she had experienced from losing him.  
  
As she watched him, he turned, and Sam immediately came back to her senses. She scolded herself as she realized that this was neither the time nor the place for her to fall to pieces. An entire civilization was fighting for its survival, and she was busy worrying about herself. She quickly used her years of military discipline to force her feelings away.  
  
"I always thought there might be a secret chamber here," Daniel stated as he began walking.  
  
Sam listened to the sound of his voice as she followed closely behind, momentarily succeeding in maintaining her composure. Daniel led them to a wall covered in hieroglyphics. She made an effort not to stare at him as he spoke. Instead she looked directly at the wall and focused on the information he was giving.  
  
"This section talks about how Ra draws his power from the sun," he told the group that followed him. His voice passed over her like a cool mist on a barren desert. He sounded like the old Daniel again, and she hadn't realized how much she missed just hearing him give a translation or explain an artifact. She longed to reach out and touch him, to look into his eyes and see the excitement, joy, passion, and love for her that had once been there.  
  
"O'Neill, we cannot hold our position," Teal'c's voice called out over the colonel's radio. Sam closed her eyes and swallowed, realizing that she was failing in her efforts to forget her feelings for Daniel. She turned toward Jack with his radio to remind herself of the seriousness of the situation.  
  
Answering the call, O'Neill ordered, "Fall back to the pyramid." He then looked to the scientists and said, "You guys do your stuff. I'm gonna go help Teal'c."  
  
*No don't leave me here with him,* Sam cried out in her mind.  
  
"I will come with you," Ska'ra immediately volunteered.  
  
She watched them go, knowing that her task had just become monumentally more difficult. O'Neill exuded military protocol. When he was around, there was always a constant reminder of her professional position. Now that he was gone, only Jonas remained. She knew that he would probably do little to help focus her professional attentions.   
  
With Ska'ra and the colonel gone, she decided it would be best to focus on the wall once again. In mere seconds, she found herself glancing yet again at the man she loved to make sure he was still there. She quickly forced herself to look away and back to the wall.  
  
*Okay. How do we get this wall open?* she asked herself deliberately. She considered the puzzle and realized that without knowing exactly what the wall said, she really didn't know how to open it. Then a sudden thought occurred to her. She turned to Daniel asking, "Um, can't you just zip into the wall and see if there's something on the other side?"  
  
He sounded frustrated as he responded, "It's complicated..."   
  
Sam was taken aback, and her eyebrows rose in confusion, but Daniel just turned away. She wasn't used to him addressing her with that tone. She could only remember one other time when his words had hurt her as much as they had today, but the sarcophagus had caused him to say those things. She desperately wished she knew the reason he was acting this way now. She swallowed hard, trying to ignore it.   
  
"Some kind of trigger for a secret door," Jonas had established. He read the inscription on the door as Daniel stepped forward for a closer look. "Rays of the sun reveal all." He turned around and looked up at the ceiling. "Rays of the sun. There's no… sunlight." He turned to Daniel, asking, "Think any light will do?"  
  
Daniel shook his head slowly before answering, "It's possible."  
  
At the prospect of getting actively involved in a solution, Sam became more interested in the problem and found it a little easier to forget about Daniel. She watched Jonas shine his flashlight at the red-jeweled eyeball on the wall. Nothing happened.  
  
"Maybe you need to focus it a little," she suggested.  
  
She watched Jonas go to his pack for a magnifying glass, and as he pulled it out, she realized to whom exactly it belonged. She knew Daniel wasn't the type that would erupt in anger, but he hoped he would forgive her for letting his replacement use his things.  
  
When Daniel saw, he asked, "Is that my stuff?"  
  
Jonas looked slightly embarrassed as he responded, "You weren't using it anymore."  
  
Sam was relieved when Daniel just quietly muttered, "Yeah," and followed Jonas as he held up the flashlight and magnifying glass to the eye on the wall.  
  
As she watched the two men, O'Neill called to her over the radio. "Carter!?"  
  
"Sir, we're working on it," she answered.  
  
"Work faster," he demanded.  
  
"Yes, Sir," she said as she looked up at the ceiling. Jonas' idea wasn't working, so she thought maybe the solution was somewhere else. She scanned the room for something that might create a beam of light or an opening in the ceiling that would allow the sun to shine in.   
  
As she searched, she heard Daniel say, "It's red." The tone of his voice told her that he had made an important discovery.  
  
"What is?" Jonas asked, slightly confused.  
  
"The rays on the fresco are... are red," Daniel elaborated. He then turned to her with an unspoken request, "Sam?"  
  
She knew immediately what he was thinking and without hesitation, she answered, "Yeah," and stepped forward. Knowing Daniel's thoughts came so instinctively to her that she barely thought about her actions. Without intending to be, she was once again working side-by-side and in sync with Daniel, something she used to take for granted.   
  
As she looked toward the wall, she found Jonas still standing in front of the eye. "Jonas," she said. He got the message and stepped away as she raised her weapon and aimed her red laser sight at the eye. She watched the door open, expecting some booby trap to come down and kill them all, but as she looked behind her to check, nothing happened. Relieved and curious, she walked past Daniel into the newly opened chamber.  
  
As she entered the room, she felt a little better about herself. She now realized that as long as there was a challenge to pursue, she could control her feelings for Daniel. She knew they would always be there, but she could deal with them. Now, she just hoped she would get the chance to deal on a regular basis.  
  
She looked around the chamber, seeing numerous artifacts, most of which were made of gold. As she picked up a small statue, her first thought was that Daniel would love to study these. When she turned toward him, she saw him looking down at a tablet with a furrowed brow and his arms crossed in front of him.  
  
She became immediately concerned and put down the figure as she asked, "Daniel, what is it?"  
  
Daniel hesitated as though still reading to make certain what he was about to say was correct. Then he stated, "I'm an Ancient."  
  
Sam was confused and surprised. "What?"  
  
Correcting his statement, Daniel added, "Not me, but the others like me. They're... the ancients."  
  
He stepped away from the tablet as Jonas came over to look at it. "This is written in one of the oldest dialects of the Ancients," he said as he looked at it.  
  
"I mean, I always suspected, but I never really knew for sure," Daniel said quickly as he looked toward Sam.  
  
"What does it say?"  
  
He spoke very rapidly as he quoted the tablet, "It says that the Ancients evolved from a race of humans that lived long before us. That they were wiped out by a plague that was sweeping across the galaxy, and that many learned to ascend, and the rest died out."  
  
Sam found the information interesting, but couldn't see how it was relevant to the current situation.  
  
"I have to go," Daniel stated thoughtfully.  
  
Sam stood considering at the tablet for a moment more before she realized what Daniel had said. "Where?" she asked with shock and curiosity. She couldn't stand the thought of losing him again, and she had no idea whether he would be back.  
  
She felt her heart sink once again as Daniel didn't even answer her question. Instead, he just said to Jonas, "I'll be back. Don't lose that tablet. It talks about a lost city that's more valuable than anything."  
  
"Daniel," Sam pleaded. She stopped herself before she added more. She wanted to shout, "Please don't leave me again!" But with Jonas standing there, she held her tongue as she watched the man she loved evaporate into a ball of light.  
  
It hurt to see him go, but she realized that the Daniel she knew would never forsake her and abandon the people of Abydos. If he left, the reason must have been monumentally important. Still, she couldn't help but feel a bit of anger and frustration as she exchanged a look with Jonas.  
  
Jonas asked, "What now?"  
  
Sam shrugged slightly, "We keep looking."  
  
They began frantically searching the contents of the chamber for the Eye of Ra. The search didn't require much concentration, and as she looked, Sam's mind began to wander back to Daniel. She wondered if he had become a different person since she last saw him. He was certainly acting differently, and she couldn't be certain whether that was because of the urgency of the situation or because Oma or something else had changed him. She began to fear that Daniel had truly abandoned her and all his friends and worst of all that he had stopped loving her.  
  
The situation seemed dire as they looked over nearly every object but came up empty handed. Jonas slammed the lid of the last chest shut and asked, "What if it's not here?"  
  
Sam scanned the wall and suggested, "Maybe there's a secret compartment."   
  
"A secret compartment inside a secret chamber?" Jonas asked skeptically.   
  
"Why not?" Despite her fears, she still trusted Daniel's judgment, and if he thought the Eye was here, she thought so too.  
  
"Why not," Jonas agreed as he turned to look for something with which to check the solidity of the wall.  
  
Sam continued to examine the surface, hoping she would find some irregularity in the wall that would open to revel the Eye. She was desperate to find it. It would prove to her that Daniel hadn't abandoned them; he had only left because he knew that she and Jonas were capable of succeeding on their own.  
  
"Right here," Jonas called to her. She crossed the room to him as swept the objects off the shelf in front of the hidden compartment.  
  
"I don't see a latch or a jewel like with the other door, but there's got to be some way to open this," he said as he looked carefully but hurriedly at the wall.  
  
By now, Sam knew they were running short on time. She was also feeling very upset by Daniel's treatment and his hasty departure. She couldn't wait to take it out on that wall. She put on her goggles as she told Jonas, "Yeah, stand back."  
  
He turned toward her and saw her raising her weapon. The intent was clear, and he stepped quickly away. He had barely cleared the front of her weapon when bullets erupted from it. Instinctively, he ducked.  
  
Feeling better after her episode of destruction, Sam took off her goggles and hid a slight smile from Jonas as she looked at her handiwork on the wall. Jonas then walked forward and pulled the Eye from the hole. *It's about time,* Sam thought as she saw it.   
  
She waited for Jonas to pick up the tablet then jogged out the door as she called out their success to the colonel. To her disappointment, he and Teal'c came down the stairs at that same instant with a wounded Ska'ra.  
  
She quickly rushed to help Teal'c carry the young man. They took him to the chamber and set him down, trying to make him as comfortable as possible under the circumstances.  
  
With that done, she headed to take up a position near the doorway. The moment she saw the Jaffa coming down the stairs, her thoughts of Daniel faded completely from her mind. Non-emotional, military Sam quickly took control.  
  
*******************  
  
As it now seemed that the stargate on Abydos was destroyed, General Hammond wanted to know what happened. Sam explained it to him as he held the tablet they had acquired.   
  
"The only thing we can assume is that Anubis didn't keep his deal with Daniel."  
  
Colonel O'Neill chimed in, "That's a shock, ay?"  
  
Sam didn't like his tone. It implied that O'Neill knew better and wouldn't have made the same mistake Daniel had.  
  
"And that DanielJackson was unable to prevent Anubis from destroying Abydos." Teal'c added.  
  
His words registered fully with Sam. Her face grew somber as she considered them. Daniel would have given anything to save those people. Like he had risked his life for her, he would have done the same for them. Daniel would have died trying to stop Anubis.   
  
She listened to the others talk while trying to convince herself that Daniel could be alright. However, she couldn't think of any reason why Abydos would have blow up that resulted in a positive outcome. She stared down at the table, trying to stay focused instead of thinking about the man she loved.  
  
"Which leaves Anubis in possession of a powerful weapon that has given him clear superiority over the system lords," Hammond stated.  
  
"We don't know any of that for sure, Sir," O'Neill added.  
  
"Well, what we do know is we need to find the city that's described on that tablet," Jonas said.  
  
Pushing the tablet in his direction, Hammond asked Jonas, "Can you translate this?"  
  
Jonas sounded hopeful as he told him, "Oh, yeah. It'll take some time, but Dr. Jackson did offer his assistance."  
  
Sam closed her eyes as she heard Jonas says Daniel's name. She lowered her head and fought to sound unemotional as she broke the news to the others, "I'm not sure that we can count on Daniel for anything anymore."  
  
Hammond asked, "Why not?"  
  
She was afraid her words would revel too much about her feelings as she told him, "Well Sir, he would have done everything in his power to protect the people of Abydos. If he was somehow prevented from doing that, then..." Her voice trailed off. She didn't want to complete her own sentence. Saying aloud that Daniel might be dead would have made it far too real.   
  
She quickly looked at the general to see if there was any indication that he felt she was acting improperly. There was none, but when he turned back to her she had to turn away quickly before her eyes revealed too much.  
  
The group sat in silence for several seconds as the full weight of the situation settled on them all. Still looking down at the table, Sam broke the silence by asking, "Permission to attempt to redial Abydos, Sir?"  
  
Hammond looked at her for what seemed to be forever to Sam. She was afraid he would see her request as pointless and deny it. She wouldn't blame him if he did; even she knew that it was probably a waste of time. To her relief, he told her, "Granted." He then looked around at the others before adding, "Dismissed."  
  
As Sam neared the doorway, the general called out, "Major." She stopped and turned toward him. He spoke to her in a soft, fatherly tone, "I hope we find you as much as you do, but don't let this eat you up inside."  
  
She gave him a half smile and a nod before exiting the room.  
  
Sam realized that the general was making a special allowance for her, probably because he had seen first hand how hard Daniel's death had been on her. He realized that she needed to know for sure and couldn't give up until she proved it to herself. She was eternally grateful for his understanding.  
  
*******************  
  
Sam stared at her computer screen, hoping to see some error in the dialing program that had caused her attempts to dial Abydos to fail every time. She knew the chances of finding one were slim to none, but she searched anyway.   
  
She wondered how long it would be before General Hammond decided that it would be best for her to give up, accept Daniel's fate and move on. She knew that if and when he did, he would be right. If someone didn't stop her, she would dial forever, spending her last breaths dialing the gate coordinates to Abydos.   
  
Right now, she wanted to give up, but she couldn't. She couldn't force herself to get out of the chair, leave the gate room and give up on Daniel. She had tried, and after one of the many failed dialing attempt, she had succeeded in standing up and facing the door only to find herself pacing a few steps and returning to her seat.   
  
She was filled with an empty feeling hollower than the first time she had lost Daniel. When he had 'died', at least she hadn't known for sure that he returned her feelings. But now it was different. Now that she knew what she was loosing, it made the pain so much worse.   
  
"Chevron four encoded," Sergeant Davis announced.  
  
She looked up to watch the chevron engaging. She never thought she would hate the sight of that warm orange glow as much as she did now. She was sick of watching it and sick of the failure.   
  
She wanted to see Daniel again. She wanted to go back through that gate and find him standing on the other side looking at her with all the love in his eyes that had once been there. Even if that didn't happen, even if he no longer love her, she would settle for Daniel just being alive.  
  
"Chevron five encoded." Sergeant Davis asked, "Major, if you don't mind me asking, how many times are we gonna dial Abydos before you give up?"  
  
"Until a Tok'ra with a ship flies over the planet and tells me there's no one left alive," she snapped at him, barely containing her anger and her tears.  
  
She hadn't kept count, but she knew they must have dialed out at least ten times now. She knew she must seem obsessed, but she didn't care. It's what she was. She was obsessed with finding Daniel. She was sick of losing him, and no one was going to make her just accept that he was gone forever.  
  
"Chevron six encoded."  
  
She prepared herself for the inevitable disappointment that was about to come. She was growing accustomed to it. Every chevron would lock, the gate would spin to the eighth but nothing would happen. It felt like a hammer to her heart each time she saw the final chevron fail to glow and Sergeant Davis announce, 'Chevon seven will not lock.' She glared at the dialing computer it, willing it to engage.   
  
"Chevron seven… locked!"  
  
She smiled, too overcome with joy to do much more. *Finally,* she thought. She turned to the stargate and had a sudden realization. It made no sense for the gate to suddenly have a lock. For the second time that day she thought she was hallucinating. *Oh god, I've gone insane,* she thought with dread.   
  
She sighed heavily. *Well, even if it is a hallucination, it's the best hope I've got.*   
  
*******************  
  
"The MALP shows the pyramid is intact, no evident damage," she reported to General Hammond.  
  
"What about the explosion?"  
  
"I don't know, Sir. I can't explain it," she answered, choosing not to add that this whole thing could very well be a figment of her own imagination. After all, if it turned out not to be, she'd have some explaining to do.  
  
"I'd like to go, Sir… make sure the people are okay," O'Neill requested as he stepped forward.  
  
She expected the request and ordinarily she would have been fine with it, but now it irritated her. She just didn't really want Jack going through the gate with her. She didn't want anyone else to go. She wanted to get to Abydos and have a long discussion with Daniel in private now that the situation was over. She didn't actually believe she would be allowed to go alone. Strategically, sending one person into an area that had just been occupied by hostiles and was presumed destroyed was not a good idea. Still, that didn't stop her from wanting to.  
  
*******************  
  
Sam stepped through the gate and scanned the area and saw neither Abydonians nor Daniel. As the group exited the pyramid, things looked hopeful. The tents were set up, people were going about their business, and children were playing games.  
  
"Guess everybody's alright," Jonas commented.  
  
As they walked farther, a familiar figured approached. Sam wasn't sure what to make of the situation. She had witnessed Ska'ra ascend and knew that he would be able to take human form again to speak to them, but she wasn't sure why he would.   
  
One thing she was certain of was that this could not be in her own mind. If it had been, she would have already found Daniel, the rest of the world would have disappeared, and they would be telling each other how they never wanted to be apart again.  
  
She was pleased to see Daniel's brother in law. If anyone knew about Daniel, it would be him.  
  
The colonel asked, "What's going on here?"  
  
"Anubis destroyed the pyramid. Everyone was destroyed in the blast." Sam was disappointed by this information, but she thought, *He could have decided just to help them all ascend.* She looked around, hoping to see him. She was glad the Abydonians were doing well. She liked them as well as anyone, and she agreed with Jack that they were a great people, but compared to Daniel, they hardly mattered to her.   
  
"They don't look dead to me," O'Neill commented. "But then, neither do you."  
  
Ska'ra smiled and told him, "Death is only the beginning of one's journey."  
  
Sam couldn't help but smile back. He sounded so much like Daniel.  
  
"What of DanielJackson?" Teal'c asked.  
  
"I have not seen Daniel."   
  
Unfortunately Ska'ra's answer was not the one Sam was hoping for. "Do you know if he's okay?"  
  
"I do not know. One named Oma did this."  
  
Sam didn't feel like smiling anymore. Daniel was nowhere in sight, but she continued to look around at the Abydonians, hoping that some of the joy these people seemed to have might rub off on her or that maybe Daniel would appear. Neither happened.  
  
She turned back to Ska'ra as she said, "You will not see me again, at least not for awhile."  
  
Sam knew that the young man meant a lot to the colonel and wondered how he would react to this news. She glanced at him, then wondered if he was having as much difficulty losing Daniel again as she was.   
  
A ball suddenly rolled toward them, and her focus was drawn to it. Once O'Neill picked it up, she looked up to see that the village had vanished. She looked around the area and saw nothing but sand. She felt any hope she once had for Daniel's safety disappear as quickly as they had.   
  
"Let's go home," she heard the colonel say as he turned toward the gate.  
  
Sam turned to follow, thinking, *It's not home without Daniel.* 


End file.
